Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
