Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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