I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
