seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
