I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
