I accidentally burped into my bong.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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