weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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