yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
