I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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