So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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