Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
false alarm, still single
Randomize
