Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
