I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Two words: nipple clamps
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