im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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