Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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