i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
