I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
