I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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