I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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