I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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