her vagine was all disorganized.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
