I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
