I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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