Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
