Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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