I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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