..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize