i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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