Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
