I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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