ya dads aren't the best wingmen
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
