I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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