I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
