She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
