I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Sext me about skeletons
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
