is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
