you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
