Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I love you. Go after that dick
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
