i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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