Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
