so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
