My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize