I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Randomize
