i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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