i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
