He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
