you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
