I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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