Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
