you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
