I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
