You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
