you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
