I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
