I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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