My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
