..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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