you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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