I am puke
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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