I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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