Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
