I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
If that was your dad, he is hot
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
