Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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