Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
