I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
