i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
