The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
