don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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